Monday, 11 October 2010

The Cinema

What a completely fantastic place. Your sole purpose of going there is to utterly indulge yourself mentally and physically while sitting rather comfortably.

Just kidding, I fucking hate it. 

So you’re put into an overcrowded, smelly, sticky-floored room with every motherfucker and his dog having their own individual conversations with that twat beside them. Um, sorry, I don’t mean to be a cunt, but I’m pretty sure I’m here to watch and listen to a movie, not to feed your ego by listening to you talk slightly louder than you really need to because you just want attention. 

What’s that? Oh you want to see the screen? That’s unfortunate, because the tallest mother fucker we could find happens to be sitting in front of you. What the actual fuck, why does this always happen?

So, the other day I decided to go to the cinema. All the usual shit at the start, tickets, popcorn etc. Find my seat and make myself comfortable. The entire row in front of me happens to be completely full and all the fuckers are in the same party. Not to mention that the guy at the far right really wants to hold a conversation with the guy seven seats to the left. Obviously. 

Regardless the movie begins and people manage to lower their voices, if only slightly. Next thing you know my fucking bladders going berserk.

“Don’t mean to be a complete inconvenience but I’m full and really need emptied.”

“Absolutely no cunting way am I going to the toilet.” I told it.

Five minutes pass and I start to lose focus of what’s going on. Ten minutes and my vision blurs, my bladder nags at me to move. Seventeen minutes and I fucking lose it. Incredibly pissed off I socked my bladder so hard the guy sitting in front of me pissed himself.

Problem solved I continued watching the remainder of the film only to be yet again inconvenienced this time by some melodramatic whore sitting to my right. For some reason she thought it was no problem to answer her phone, which obviously wasn’t on silent, in the middle of the fucking cinema. Well it isn’t really I suppose, oh wait, no, yes it is, because you use the phone to talk and if you’re talking that means that you and most of the non-self-absorbed cunts around you can’t hear what the actual fuck the actors are saying.


1 comment:

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