Monday, 11 October 2010

Resit Resutls

It was a Friday and I was feeling particularly happy as Fridays kick ass. So I got into school minding my own business when this gay called Sheldon asked me and my friend Pie if we were excited about our results.

“Guh, hallo Pie and Stef, are guys ready for your results?”

I replied with

“Of fucking course I’m ready you stupid twat, do you think I would come into school on results day and not be fucking ready. Idiot.”

However, I had forgotten that it was results day, I obviously forgot on purpose so that I wouldn’t ruin my entire fucking day thinking about how gay results are. So anyway, I answered his question with a ball busting kick the crotch…then I realised that it was Sheldon I was kicking, and I had in fact delivered a swift kick to the cunt instead.

So me and Pie decided to head to my chemistry class to get my chains and rings resit mark. I walked into the class and punted some stupid bitch in the queue out of my way. Mrs Patterson was sitting in her stupid chair with a stupid grin on her retarded face.

“Ah Stefan, finally. Well I have your results here, and you have obtained another ‘E’, in fact Stefan I think you did worse in your resit than you did the first time round”

This got me so pissed that I socked her *BAM* rite in the ear. Then Pie smacked her with is dick and broke her jaw. Maybe you should have just shut the fuck up, slut.

So, angry and confused I decided it was time to get my biology resit result. I headed downstairs and was immediately swarmed by fans begging me not to kick their ass, but I felt like being a dick so I tripped Pie up, causing the forty or so people to be run in fear of being obliterated by his terrifying bulk.

I continued on to biology as the physics department were busy double checking that gravity was only 9.8m/s and not 9 billion.

I got to biology and my old nemesis Dr. Cockhead was sitting in his bouncy chair.

“Hello sir” I said with a look of dominating calm on my face.

“Oh its you, here for your result I assume, no doubt it will lead to disappointment as usual” he retorted

“Yeah that’s right, it is me, and yes I do want my results…dick”

“Well let’s see….*searches*….ah here we are……….hmmm seems to be some mistake in the system. They’ve clearly pressed the wrong button, or, maybe they marked it wrong. Either way, it says here that you got an A!”

“Obviously.” I quick wittedly replied.

I then decided to power bomb him through his interactive whiteboard and into Mr. Mcknights classroom which was full of shitty first years that all started to cry when they saw McCrea’s mouldy brain oozing out of his flaccid skull.

“What the hell is going on here Stefan!” shouted Mr McKinight

I casually relied “nothing.”

He looked at me for 16 seconds then quickly headed for the door, terror streamed across his face. I intercepted his route to the door with a heart stopping body slam, then kerb stomped his face into the basement. As I headed back over the sixth form centre I had sex with four different, hot girls all at the same time.

Goddam, I rock.

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