Monday, 11 October 2010


Man I fucking hate Flash.

So, the other day I was doing my Flash coursework when the button I had created wouldn't do what I wanted it to, even though everything about the button was correct because I made it and I'm always rite about everything. I tried and tried and tried to get the piece of shit to do what it was su-fucking-posed to. After 3 minutes of constant struggle and incredible frustration I decided that Flash was shit and I was never going to use it again because I hate it.

At this stage I was so angry that I decided I needed to kick someone’s ass to release some of my man anger because too much man anger can be dangerous, but not to me because I'm too manly.

So I decided to go into town. Upon entering Bow Street the first thing I did was walk into Boots and tell them that girls suck. I then proceeded towards the exit when the security guard came over to me and grabbed my arm. I turned with a face full of fury and started him straight in the eye, he collapsed. I was feeling so manly at this point that I decided to listen to some Coheed and Cambria because that’s what real men do.

Anyway, I continued my journey until I came across an old lady "Excuse me son, but I find your T-shirt offensive!" (I was obviously wearing my T-shirt that says 'fuck off or I'll sock you in the colon') *BAM* I socked the slut in the kidney so hard she needed dialysis immediately. A man who saw the woman crippled on the ground bleeding like a carton of tomato juice just hit by a train ran over to help her so I kicked him into the sky. Four other men came running over with steel bars. I stood with my arms by side and listened to their empty threats. "I'm gonna paint the wall with your face" bla bla bla. I eventually got bored of listening to these dolts who proceed to try and scare me, so I picked the biggest one up with my balls and body slammed him into oblivion.

One minute and 47 seconds later the other three had started to comprehend 0.1% of my awesomeness, but I wasn't prepared to wait another 10 years before they realised just how fucked they were, so I delivered an astounding roundhouse kick and dislocated the ugliest ones face. The other two decided to attack so intercepted their first hit with my pecs, then used my massive sheets of man muscle to rip the steel bar from their hands, I almost tensed, causing the reinforced steel to crumple, I then laughed like a Pirate and power bombed the fat one through a nearby children’s play area.

Only one was left, and he was shaking like a three year old girl in front of a speeding truck about to smash into her pathetic face. He turned to run, so I socked him in colon, spilling shit everywhere, this was gross, so I went and stole some clothes from a nearby shop and cleaned all the shit off my fist, I then went back to the shop and told them I didn't want their clothes because they suck and if they don't close down in the next 10 seconds I was going to throw their children into the Sun.

Anyway, I returned to the dweeb lying on the ground with a busted colon, I grabbed his left foot and threw him through a nearby steel reinforced wall coated in unbreakable concrete.

Feeling better, I began walking home when I was swarmed by a group of people begging me not to kick their ass, so I body slammed one just before grabbing the biggest object I could find and throwing it really far. I then went into nearby jewellers and ate all the jewellery just so I could digest it and then shit it out in front of them.

I decided I'd had enough of this bullshit so I headed home after eating four puppies in front of a pet shop.

1 comment:

  1. This entire article became invalid the second you claimed real men listened to coheed.